Monday, August 18, 2008

a Short Story about Love

I feel like a loser. Feel so sick and tired of this weird state of helplessness. After a long time I’m caught in a mood to cry…Huh. I was supposed to write a blog on my new short film. But my current state of mind is not letting me do that. In stead of compiling an essay out of it, I want to describe this chapter of my life in the form of a story….A story about me and a cute girl. I know that I’m good at churning an art in my own world of agony. The worst the pain...the best the creation…

It may sound like a story to you but as long as I’m real and those incidents happening in my life are real, you are left with just one choice to be a part of it. Today I realized that her love for me has no limits…and that she is looking for my support and care. Yet I had to leave her back in her world. I introduce her to you as someone whom I know since the second year of my college days in Chennai.

Of late I found her avoiding me most of the time, acted as if we had never met in our life before. Last time when I left her back with her mom, she didn’t even care to come near to say a good bye. My eyes kept searching for that sweet smile as my bike moved on. But for my surprise I had a glimpse of her, looking though the window with a placid face. “She would have forgotten me. She would have forgotten that day I carried her on my shoulders. May be I’m being stupid thinking her as a part of my life.” That was the last thought I had in my mind while returning home.

Since then, it’s been almost six or seven months, I cared to visit her. Today after finished with the editing of a short film, a sudden thought aroused from nowhere to go there and spend some time with her. Without a second thought I and my friend Aneesh went to the Home. As soon as I reached almost all the kids who knows me surrounded me, jumping over me calling “Arun Anna”. I was struggling to remember their names, everyone changed a lot. I called a few names which I quickly recollected, Vikky, Madesh, Sheshamma, Shilpa, Kausalya…..Others who recognized me as “Arun Anna from MCC college”, came and told their names. But…Where is my sweet little girl Joshna? I kept searching...

My heart started beating loud for a while, until I saw her sitting with a new friend whom she recently adopted as her ‘Thankachi’( Sister).The little Josh whom I had known from my college days had grown to a 3rd standard girl. She had become quite lean and I must say that she had lost her chubby baby look. Like last time, she didn’t even care to look at me or talk to me. She reacted as if I’m not there any where in her memories.

Joshna was a small little girl when my friends from M. A. Communication batch did the PR campaign on helping AIDs infected and affected kids in Chennai. By taking the kids for an outing, we tried to make people get rid of their stigma towards those kids who have AIDs. She is from Hope foundation. I still remember the day I took the kids from Hope in a van to Scripture Union campus where we arranged for games, food and fun. I was carrying her on my shoulders. She was with me whole the time, talking to me, playing, singing, dancing………Our faculty Ms. Sunisha identified her as my girl friend and made a smiling comment “Wherever this guy goes he is sure to discover the most beautiful thing, conquer it and quick to own it.” Yea right, those who have seen my CV, that’s the same comment I added in ‘About Me’ column. Thanks a lot Mam, I still get inspired by that comment, also it makes me think about the “most beautiful thing” that you say so.

Joshna I’m so sorry dear, I’m too selfish to leave you all the time. I understood you well today. I understood what you want to tell me. I was too hurt when you behaved as if you don’t know me. I was hurt when you told your mom, that you don’t remember me. But the moment when you told her that you don’t remember anyone who came with me last time, I understood that you were lying. In your struggle to hide me in your mind, I saw you being too naughty and got beaten by your mother. Isn’t it? Don’t you remember everything? Aren’t you acting because you knew very well that I will leave you in a few minutes? You miss me, right? You know what; I’m equally possessive about you. I was too jealous, once you left me and went with my friend Swarna…though I had seen you both look alike together. Between Swarna, if u r reading this blog, beleive me as far as I know you both there is something common in u.

I don't know whether I’m being stupid….well. While leaving the home, I could hear only her cry. I wish I could take her home…………….I’m a selfish….helpless……loser. I accept that. I’m really sorry dear…


sansmerci said...

why u makin me cry early in the morn.. m at work ..

awesomeeee write up .. startin was so poetic .. i think i don deserve to write nemore..w ish i cud write like u .. n don compare me with joshna shes too damn cute n a superstar ... m a noone ..

Bleedy ^5^%^% u went to HOPE without me :::

Cockroach said...

No de...I was so upset comin back from Hope. I didn't c her while leaving....heard only her crying.

Stayed back late night only to write this blog. She changed a lot and I guess she started realizing things in her life.

There is not much of diff in you both. At least as far as I know u both. And I don't mind crying for u both...he he

Will take u there. It's her birthday on September 28th.

Guess what on Independece day me and my colleagues who travel in the same office bus, formed a small service group after a hot debate on independence on August 15th. We named it our Bus number 502.

We are planning to go to Hope foundation too. Heard they some money.

Hope the best.

Somaasri said...

Hey arun…..

Tht was a nice post about a person close to your heart!!!!

I still remember the day in HT 3(Hexaware Tower 3 on Greams road) we went out for lunch and u started talking to me abt a girl seriously, for the first time in life. I remember us having lunch u still talking abt her and I was shocked to see a different Arun in front of me. I have never seen u like that previously.

when I saw her photo, wondered how that girl is related to you… Later when you explained me about your relation I was taken aback. I have seen you as playboy, flirting around. I know how bad u felt for Joshna when u met her last Sunday and what inspired you to write a post about her. Practically I know it is not possible for u to spend so much time. But you can surely visit her often. It may not fulfill all her needs. She might feel confident that she still has u.

Cockroach said...

U r right Soma. Many a time I have this feeling that d hearts r made of rock...Expression of love is always a pblm. I've not told any girl so sincerely n seriously that I love her. Either avoid such a feeling or just leave it unexpressed. Simply naming it dedication towards a passion... Phew. It's more a fear that I may not have time to love anyone.
I was always been a victim of escapisam from love.